LYNETTE
Victim of Fart Harassment
“What did I do to deserve this?”
 
 

This poor woman was only trying to eke out a living to support herself and her fifteen cats.  Her boss John Doe (named changed to protect the innocent) relentlessly abused and harassed her with his powerhouse flatulence.
 
 

Lynnette: He used his pooties like a weapon, saving them up and aiming and firing at me every time I passed by.  He'd think of little reasons to call me into his office when he knew he had stored-up ammunition.  He almost never passed my work station without firing at me.  It was just terrible.  I lost sleep, my hair started falling out, I lived in constant fear.  
 
 

What kind of a man would do this to someone?
 
 

What kind of a man, indeed.  We intend to get to the bottom of this.  And once we do, who better to bring the plight of this poor victim to the public than Gwenyth Paltrow or Claire Danes.  We have faxes out to both.  
 
 

Uh oh.  
 
 

Hope we haven't started a feeding frenzy!

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